What Identity?

In December 2008 I closed the book on my Rhodes experience... FINALLY flown away from my little foster home, my little cocoon - an anthropologist's dream - a microcosm of predominantly middle-class B-grade students with social lives constructed mainly around a couple of pubs, sportsbars and nothing much else. The one thing I know I've definitely taken with me (except the somewhat beautiful parchments with my embossed name and my alleged academic "qualifications") is an inflated, albeit artificial sense of self-worth and no idea where I really want to be (or maybe even "do" in the short-run at least).

I've met wonderful people while at Rhodes - mixed in with all the rotten apples and faux smiles of the others... The wonderful people I've met are those I'll undoubtedly never forget, even if I wanted to! Most of whom have contributed to my sense of self-worth.. The "diversity" at Rhodes is just as artificial. While I cannot deny that there are certain "oil and water" elements amongst the jacaranda tree and tequila stained avenues of my former campus, the majority of us gravitated towards clones of ourselves or at least people we hoped to clone. In a language many of my fellow Rhodents may understand: You either went to Friar's or you didn't (read Equilibrium). Those of us who occasionally crossed the divide were branded anomalies and more often than not "judged" by our mates from the different camps... But what a wealth of knowledge I acquired while walking on that fence!

Over the past 5years (yes, I'm THAT old!) I have learnt more about people than I ever thought possible. I have shed "friends" like the seasonal skin of a snake and have at the same time managed to separate the wheat from the chaff. I can safely say that those people I call my friends today are indeed my friends and are people I will reminisce with about things other than the jacarandas and the tequila.. People I will cherish always and without whom my years at Rhodes would have been empty.

I have grown as a person... from my early Rhodes days when I wasn't quite sure in which group I fell and when in a desperate attempt to "fit the mould" I sold myself terribly short.. Over the years I have come to terms with who I am and have discovered that there is no mould into which I must force myself. That I am unique and that the things that set me apart are the things that define me... some characteristics might be endearing to some, while grating to others... but it's who I am. I might have to thank Rhodes for that.. a seed sown has been nurtured and watered and has blossomed into the person I am today....

That said: When next I am in Grahamstown... you know where to find me!

Life, l'amitie and all other L's

So, its been a while since I've written a seemingly positive note... so here goes..

I will start with a quote from Antonio Smith courtesy of a Spur sugar sachet:
"Enjoy the little things in life...for one day you may look back and realise they were the BIG things"

Life is about cherishing the little fleeting moments and immortalizing them in our memories for they define who we are and possibly who we shall become... Often people live in regret, crying that they still haven't achieved their dreams, that their bigger picture is hazier than a Picasso reject... and yet each day we do a little, we do something. Each day, we touch someone's life, often unwittingly.

Regret is the deepest sign of weakness, its an internalisation of defeat. Why can't we all just seize the day? There comes a time when you just have to turn over the page and stop living in the past (or living a dream like I'm prone to doing)...Its not worth the stress after all...You just have to let go, let loose.

Its a rude awakening when you realise that you can not always be a winner in life.Comme maman dit toujours : "Quand vous gagnez toute l'heure, vous appreciez jamais vraiment votre succes". Profound words that have taught me to appreciate the little things.

I need to constantly remind myself that life is too short to be troubled. Heal...start anew...live for today and for YOU.. After all...your mistakes (or past weaknesses) can only make you stronger... This brings me to my next and last point.. the necessity of friends. I'd probably be a hermit were it not for the fact that I can't imagine a life in which I can't share with another (others). Would there be a point?

The other day I was listening to my music on shuffle and this catchy phrase kinda stuck... yes, it is by Snoop Dogg!
"There will be ups and downs...smiles and frowns...Share with me, fairy tales are make believe"

So, yes.. there is some inspiration in rap music after all! Indeed from this and in life I've learnt that one's most valuable asset is the company s/he keeps...Without whom life would be a lonesome journey...a journey not worth taking. For whats the point of smiling or frowning if noone sees you do it?

In appreciating my friends, I look at my own mistakes. Friends are, after all, human and while I err, so too can they. So, I've learnt to forgive and forget, to smile at every chance I get and always remember that when things are hard....they could be worse...Lift my head above the water and jus KEEP WALKING.

Life is a struggle...a constant war between what you wish it could be and what it wants to be..No one person has ever won a war on their own.If you can turn to your left and be received with a smile...you're lucky...if you can turn to the right as well and still find a smile...you are among the wealthiest in this world...for wealth is not measured by the amount of money in your bank account, but by the joy that surrounds you each day...

Maybe I talk sh*t..who's to tell...I'm still fighting my battle, but with a smile :)