This is my kind of Africa....

Walking to work this morning, I took a deep breath of fresh air laced with the soothing smell of the flowers whose beauty has been brought to life by the early rains... with solid steps towards my destination I felt an overwhelming feeling of love and pride... I was at that very moment a 21st century woman living in her kind of Africa... the Africa they don't seem to care much about on the supper time news... I was greeted by cheery faces and the occasional "dumela" ... the sun was shyly peering through the clouds, scared to reveal itself to the world beneath, yet my heart was filled with its warmth... these are my people... this is my land... This is My Africa...

Africa.... Oh Africa... so rich, so beautiful, so warm, so welcoming... few people know or appreciate just how truly magnificent you are.. your name is mentioned and those who think they care will take a deep sigh and lament your fate; those who only want to use and abuse you and leave you dying by the wayside find themselves with a wily snarl on their faces... you are their lamb, ready for the slaughter.. they will drive you there and watch as you take your last breath... but that is not the Africa I see... that is not the Africa that flows in my veins...

....My Africa is teeming with life... as vibrant as the village crier's drum at sunset and the crow of the cocks at dawn.. My Africa never rests... it toils even as the world sleeps... In its suffering it sees nothing but hope... It is... has been... and shall forever be at the core of my being...
My Africa never gives up... after years of drought and strife my Africa is brought to life by the early rains... each flower proudly displaying itself for all the world to see.. I take it all in each day as I walk on the soil of my ancestors.. I breathe in deeply... the clean fresh air..

My Africa. My Pride. My Love.

Watching the world go by

The years melt away...as seconds become minutes, minutes become hours.. that become days, weeks, months... years.. And while so much seems to be changing, so much more remains the same. I am the girl I was years ago.. scared, vulnerable.. yet strong and determined.. constantly trying to better myself, to shed my burdensome skin of negativity and yet realising that the more I do it the more I lose myself.. Constantly asking myself, what I will leave when I'm done here.. shall my little steps one day change the world? My thoughts, they take me away.. to a place that may never exist.. they choke me and at the same time give me life...

Today... like yesterday... and the day before.. I continue to search for my purpose, my being, my soul, my dreams.. these things... inextricably linked, intertwined and forever keeping me away from the edge.. away from the abyss that one day will engulf me, eat me whole and never spit me out...

In my quest I have learnt to love, to hate, to cry, to laugh, to embrace and to strangle... all this I have learnt from the world from which I come and to which I shall go. I look at the world in awe as it refuses to change even as the years go by... adamant, stubborn... like myself as I spread my hands out once more as if to fly... I laugh. I cry. I want so much to fly and yet I know it can never be so...not today.. not tomorrow.. but maybe in the next life I will watch the world go by perched upon a tree... until then, the years melt away...

Life, l'amitie and all other L's

So, its been a while since I've written a seemingly positive note... so here goes..

I will start with a quote from Antonio Smith courtesy of a Spur sugar sachet:
"Enjoy the little things in life...for one day you may look back and realise they were the BIG things"

Life is about cherishing the little fleeting moments and immortalizing them in our memories for they define who we are and possibly who we shall become... Often people live in regret, crying that they still haven't achieved their dreams, that their bigger picture is hazier than a Picasso reject... and yet each day we do a little, we do something. Each day, we touch someone's life, often unwittingly.

Regret is the deepest sign of weakness, its an internalisation of defeat. Why can't we all just seize the day? There comes a time when you just have to turn over the page and stop living in the past (or living a dream like I'm prone to doing)...Its not worth the stress after all...You just have to let go, let loose.

Its a rude awakening when you realise that you can not always be a winner in life.Comme maman dit toujours : "Quand vous gagnez toute l'heure, vous appreciez jamais vraiment votre succes". Profound words that have taught me to appreciate the little things.

I need to constantly remind myself that life is too short to be troubled. Heal...start anew...live for today and for YOU.. After all...your mistakes (or past weaknesses) can only make you stronger... This brings me to my next and last point.. the necessity of friends. I'd probably be a hermit were it not for the fact that I can't imagine a life in which I can't share with another (others). Would there be a point?

The other day I was listening to my music on shuffle and this catchy phrase kinda stuck... yes, it is by Snoop Dogg!
"There will be ups and downs...smiles and frowns...Share with me, fairy tales are make believe"

So, yes.. there is some inspiration in rap music after all! Indeed from this and in life I've learnt that one's most valuable asset is the company s/he keeps...Without whom life would be a lonesome journey...a journey not worth taking. For whats the point of smiling or frowning if noone sees you do it?

In appreciating my friends, I look at my own mistakes. Friends are, after all, human and while I err, so too can they. So, I've learnt to forgive and forget, to smile at every chance I get and always remember that when things are hard....they could be worse...Lift my head above the water and jus KEEP WALKING.

Life is a struggle...a constant war between what you wish it could be and what it wants to be..No one person has ever won a war on their own.If you can turn to your left and be received with a smile...you're lucky...if you can turn to the right as well and still find a smile...you are among the wealthiest in this world...for wealth is not measured by the amount of money in your bank account, but by the joy that surrounds you each day...

Maybe I talk sh*t..who's to tell...I'm still fighting my battle, but with a smile :)

La vie

There's nothing more exhausting or life-sapping than living a life you hate. Why wear the shoes that someone else wants you to wear, that are obviously the wrong size and for the uptight shrew from next door?

You only have one life to live.. Live the life you love and you'll love the life you live. When its all done, you can look back in glee and see that it was all worth it. After all when you're dead all that remains are the memories people have of you, for when the casket's locked - what you are is gone, but who you were remains.

If you realise that you're working under par for something, think hard about it: Is this what YOU want for yourself, or what someone else has made you believe its what you want?

Turn the music up, sip some Merlot and live your dreams.. (or if you are the uptight shrew next door.. do what uptight shrews do *shrug*)

On death

For the first time in near to a decade I went to church willingly yesterday... I went to the church that my recently late lecturer frequented until his death... as I sat in my claustrophobic pew I thought to myself how the church was filled with a congregation of strangers... people who did not know my lecturer and some who probably didn't want to... not only that but these strangers bowed their heads and sang sad hymns in "memory" of him. As I sat there, I wondered in whose memory they were singing. I wondered too what the purpose of life is… are we here to await the death knell to chime our name and can we resist when the sound begins to deafen us?

As the preacher ranted on about casting nets and catching fish I couldn’t help but notice what seemed to be a tear upon the cheek of one grey geriatric woman. I thought (for you will notice, I think a lot) for whom this woman could possibly be crying… If not for my late lecturer, then surely it must be for another… indeed the woman could have been crying for herself. For let us not deny that at 80something in Sub-Saharan Africa no day passes without one wondering when the Grim Reaper shall awake from his slumber and do his bidding.

People tend to shy away from talk about death and those of us who do are regarded as being morbidly inclined and often told to shut up or knock on wood… and so we often shut up. It’s not that I don’t fear death. In fact death is the one thing I fear the most… so much so that sometimes I lie awake late at night in my bed (or sit at my desk) and breathe deeply in appreciation of the life that still exists within me. I lie awake because I can’t help but think that I have done so little with my life, and that which I have done has probably left many a heart broken and hopes dashed. Is it selfish of me to want “strangers” to cry in my memory for in some way I wish to touch their lives? Is it selfish of me to want to be remembered for the good that I know I can do and not the bad I know I’ve done?

If you have read this far and are wondering why I don’t just take a sleeping tablet already… worry not, there’s a point to all this. Or maybe not whichever way you wish to look at it. The purpose being, I hope that those who read this may seek to better themselves, to live their lives to the fullest and appreciate that your goodness reigns eternal even in death. And so when I lay my head to rest, I hope once again that I wake up better than yesterday’s Ottilia… for now, I am not yet born.

>>>>>I write this in memory of the late ever illustrious Dr Solomon Nkiwane… for whom I do not mourn, for I feel my salty tears will only tarnish his memory. A man who dedicated his life to serving others and enriching many intellectually and spiritually cannot be mourned. His legacy cannot allow that. <<<<