Love is that shiny coin with no tail... just two heads.. right? right?

So, some guy - his identity is irrelevant - chased after a girl for many many moons... after playing hard to get, she eventually relented.. she "agreed" to be his one and only, his pudding pie, his left butt-cheek... what he did not bargain for, however, was that she LITERALLY wanted to be a part of him.. always there, never far enough to be missed.. wasting his SMS bundle and well generally being a nuisance of a girlfriend... so he dumped her... His reason? "She's just toooooo into me!"


Now, you're probably thinking "Huh? He did what now? Guys never know when they have it good!"... When I heard this short tale, I was quick to applaud the young fella - assuming he is "young" of course... I applaud him for the year of patience and perseverance that he spent pursuing this girl and for cutting her off swiftly once he realised he'd caught himself a piranha instead of bream... He clearly learnt rather late that wasting time is... well... wasting time!


Thing is, though I sometimes blindly support whatever psycho stuff {wo}men choose to do when in love, I cannot for the life of me allow myself to back people who choose to make other people the centre of their universe... and thus cease to exist. This young lad did her a favour, I hope she thanked him..


Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being madly, deeply into someone... in fact, I would sooner stand in the rain singing some old ballad to woo a guy if I thought I stood a chance.. risk catching pneumonia even... I really would. Yes, that's crazy, but I would only do it if I was certain that he's into that kinda crazy stuff... if I was certain that he would run out and stand in the rain with me... that we would spend the next week sharing chicken soup trying to get better.. I really would. Thing is, I know better! {I also hate chicken soup}


The trouble is some girls (and many a guy.. "Hi ex number 2, 3 and 4" *evil grin*) are just psycho like that... always in their partner's pocket, stuck to them like glue... what starts off as a parasitic symbiotic relationship just fizzles into a parasitic relationship.. when you take up more than just space and time.. when you want to ALWAYS be with them and suck them dry of life. Relationships aren't meant to kill the individuals and merge them into one ugly amorphous mass of neediness, they are meant to strengthen the individuals.. Y'know, that "winning couple swag"... the ever elusive "perfect pair"... she doesn't pretend to enjoy Saturday afternoon football and he doesn't go shoe shopping with her, but they work out just fine... Each brings their star quality to the table, appreciates the other's space and respects it.. Dial 0800 PIPE DREAM if you feel me on this.. "Number you have dialled is not available"? Snap! Keep trying....



Peace, Love and Gruyere...



Do you know the one you love?

So... I've told myself that by the time I'm 30 I want to have visited at least half of the African countries... because I cannot continue to claim that I love this continent if I do not know it intimately... If I have not laughed with the Dinka at dusk, danced with the Masai at dawn or eaten amongst the pyramids like those from the House of Ptolemy .. I have told myself that until then, Africa will be the love I speak about, the love I hope to know, the one with whom I shall spend the rest of my life... but not that I truly love... not yet...



Yes, I am committed to my continent...It is here that I was born and it is here that I shall take my last breath... until then.. until the day I return to the bowels of the African earth, I will fight for it and help to make it strong... and when Africa has risen from its ashes and stands up high, I will creep into the shadows and watch my love shine... not because I do not want to be seen with it, but because I want the rest of the world to fall in love with it the way I have.. to see it's beautiful face and dare not lift a gun to tear it to shreds... to see it's evergreen glow and want to nurture it all the days of their life... What is love, but a selfish emotion if it is not shared? But, let me not contradict myself, I cannot claim to love Africa yet... I do not know it...



So, I ask you... do YOU know the one you "love"? Do you know their mind? their body? their soul? their essence? If you don't... how dare you claim to love them? How very dare you?

While you lay asleep... her heart broke

Monday... yet another one... quite like the one before and the many Mondays that have preceded it.. yet this one Monday felt different. Each step she took was tentatively done, almost as if hesitating to go on. Something was bothering her, she wasn't sure what.. she wondered why the passersby stopped and stared... then she looked down... there was nothing, she was confused.. then she looked back.. and there her heart was - bare, out in the open - no longer beating, yet not bleeding. She had forgotten ever tearing it out of its burdensome cage and laying it on the ground.. then she remembered. She had put it there hoping you would see it and take it in your hands...she sighed.. had she only taken a few steps since she put it there?.....

.... Why had waiting for you to lift her heart felt like an eternity? She looked at her lonely heart laying desperately on the pavement beneath... it was broken, but it did not bleed... She thought about leaving it there, ever the optimist, then decided it was better incarcerated in her being... she told herself that it would continue to beat without you.. it must... life would go on.. Had she waited just a few more moments, had she not been so anxious, had she been patient she would have seen you moments later - risen from your slumber - running to grab her heart... but she didn't.. you didn't. Fate was having a go again.. It would not be today, but maybe on a Tuesday? Maybe on a Tuesday her love wouldn't be late, maybe he would take her heart and hold it forever.. maybe he would set it free from the confines of her being... maybe...

Short note on love

I was told yesterday that love is a theory...I respectfully disagree. The notion of love might be -for the most part- theory, but love itself is practical.. it is not an imagined emotion.. it is the things you do, the things done for you... how they are done & why they are done... it is experienced in different ways & therefore cannot be quantified or qualitatively analysed by others.. yet we all know one thing: Love is.

This is my kind of Africa....

Walking to work this morning, I took a deep breath of fresh air laced with the soothing smell of the flowers whose beauty has been brought to life by the early rains... with solid steps towards my destination I felt an overwhelming feeling of love and pride... I was at that very moment a 21st century woman living in her kind of Africa... the Africa they don't seem to care much about on the supper time news... I was greeted by cheery faces and the occasional "dumela" ... the sun was shyly peering through the clouds, scared to reveal itself to the world beneath, yet my heart was filled with its warmth... these are my people... this is my land... This is My Africa...

Africa.... Oh Africa... so rich, so beautiful, so warm, so welcoming... few people know or appreciate just how truly magnificent you are.. your name is mentioned and those who think they care will take a deep sigh and lament your fate; those who only want to use and abuse you and leave you dying by the wayside find themselves with a wily snarl on their faces... you are their lamb, ready for the slaughter.. they will drive you there and watch as you take your last breath... but that is not the Africa I see... that is not the Africa that flows in my veins...

....My Africa is teeming with life... as vibrant as the village crier's drum at sunset and the crow of the cocks at dawn.. My Africa never rests... it toils even as the world sleeps... In its suffering it sees nothing but hope... It is... has been... and shall forever be at the core of my being...
My Africa never gives up... after years of drought and strife my Africa is brought to life by the early rains... each flower proudly displaying itself for all the world to see.. I take it all in each day as I walk on the soil of my ancestors.. I breathe in deeply... the clean fresh air..

My Africa. My Pride. My Love.

Love... or something like it...

Many lessons I've learned in this life of mine, yet none has quite managed to make me understand or truly know love... I know that I love, I know that I am loved... have loved... will love... but my conceptualization of love seems to differ from many people around me.. I have heard the 3words "I love you" said to a new paramour only weeks into the relationship like the premature ejaculate of an over-eager man... bile rose in my throat as I thought of the many lies that will follow this first one... I have heard them used after a "but" to excuse intentional transgressions.. I have heard them said between people who could possibly know no love... the words echo in my head like a broken record of a bad electro house song... I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.. The more I hear them uttered, the more I feel they have no real meaning.. a cliche? Perhaps.

For me love is not just a feeling, love is action... Love is not an impromptu champagne picnic atop the Eiffel Tower on a warm spring night... it could be... but it's not... Love is found in the little things, in the little acts of selflessness, in devotion, in faith, forgiveness, in pain... love is hard work.. it is the patience you should have as you wait to reap the benefits of your commitment knowing that they may never come... it is giving more of yourself even when you feel there's nothing left to give. . . and yes, love can be a candlelit dinner with some prime cabernet sauvignon... but that is not the be-all and end-all of it.. the words of many a drunken clergyman come to mind: "through sickness and health".. oh indeed. for me, THAT is love. . . and because of that I am not sure I have yet loved wholly, truly and completely... I feel it coming.. a dark cloud on the horizon promising rain that will soak the earth and bring her to life... but when it arrives, whatever the love; platonic, erotic, agape, ludus, storge, pragmatic, manic, obsessive... I'll take mine with a pinch of salt, a lemon and tequila...

Life, l'amitie and all other L's

So, its been a while since I've written a seemingly positive note... so here goes..

I will start with a quote from Antonio Smith courtesy of a Spur sugar sachet:
"Enjoy the little things in life...for one day you may look back and realise they were the BIG things"

Life is about cherishing the little fleeting moments and immortalizing them in our memories for they define who we are and possibly who we shall become... Often people live in regret, crying that they still haven't achieved their dreams, that their bigger picture is hazier than a Picasso reject... and yet each day we do a little, we do something. Each day, we touch someone's life, often unwittingly.

Regret is the deepest sign of weakness, its an internalisation of defeat. Why can't we all just seize the day? There comes a time when you just have to turn over the page and stop living in the past (or living a dream like I'm prone to doing)...Its not worth the stress after all...You just have to let go, let loose.

Its a rude awakening when you realise that you can not always be a winner in life.Comme maman dit toujours : "Quand vous gagnez toute l'heure, vous appreciez jamais vraiment votre succes". Profound words that have taught me to appreciate the little things.

I need to constantly remind myself that life is too short to be troubled. Heal...start anew...live for today and for YOU.. After all...your mistakes (or past weaknesses) can only make you stronger... This brings me to my next and last point.. the necessity of friends. I'd probably be a hermit were it not for the fact that I can't imagine a life in which I can't share with another (others). Would there be a point?

The other day I was listening to my music on shuffle and this catchy phrase kinda stuck... yes, it is by Snoop Dogg!
"There will be ups and downs...smiles and frowns...Share with me, fairy tales are make believe"

So, yes.. there is some inspiration in rap music after all! Indeed from this and in life I've learnt that one's most valuable asset is the company s/he keeps...Without whom life would be a lonesome journey...a journey not worth taking. For whats the point of smiling or frowning if noone sees you do it?

In appreciating my friends, I look at my own mistakes. Friends are, after all, human and while I err, so too can they. So, I've learnt to forgive and forget, to smile at every chance I get and always remember that when things are hard....they could be worse...Lift my head above the water and jus KEEP WALKING.

Life is a struggle...a constant war between what you wish it could be and what it wants to be..No one person has ever won a war on their own.If you can turn to your left and be received with a smile...you're lucky...if you can turn to the right as well and still find a smile...you are among the wealthiest in this world...for wealth is not measured by the amount of money in your bank account, but by the joy that surrounds you each day...

Maybe I talk sh*t..who's to tell...I'm still fighting my battle, but with a smile :)

On Love

What is this terrible thing called 'love'? That makes fools of wise people? That brings people to their knees and draws many to tears? Can we only experience love if we have experienced heartache? How do you tell? Whatever love is, for me it seems dangerous territory, unchartered, violent and wild...a territory that I fear to tread for I lose myself. Have I lost myself already?

Can one truly love and not be loved in return? Would that be the utmost dedication? Would that be the utmost stupidity? Would it be true?Indeed the whirlpool of emotions I feel.. the rush of blood to my head (it was inevitable...Chris Martin is a demi-god) can only mean one thing. I've fallen (why not risen?) in love... in love with a mirage... if only it were real...if only the waves that guided me to this barren island had not led me to you...if only

You are the weakness inherent in me... Were you a deity, I would be your one true believer. I would turn to all the religious bigotry that I wish away and loathe so much to comfort me and to give expression to my obviously unfounded admiration of all that you are. But alas you are neither a deity nor am I a believer.

It is my awareness of that fine distinction; what you really are and what I sometimes - in my drunkeness - make you out to be, that saves me from losing myself entirely.Too strong is my apprehension of all that is deified that I cannot even bring myself to accept that maybe, just maybe in the slightest I have blinded my own judgment by exalting you to a position I dare not allocate to anyone (or anything) else. Indeed I am as lost as I have ever been.